Here's the next edition of 2007 MLB Calendar. It's a slow day around the old office, and I've resigned myself to doing the monthly cleaning chores. Impressive that I've held out this long... Hope everyone is well, it was a good episode of The Office last night, I'll definitely have to watch it again soon. Have a great weekend!
June 1: St. Louis Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols opens a package from his mother in the clubhouse, pulling out a birthday card and a T-shirt that says: "Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's 40," but quickly buries the T-shirt in his locker before anyone can see it.
June 2: With reports surfacing that Roger Clemens is finally about to make up his mind, the Marlins hurriedly offer him the league minimum salary prorated over the remainder of the season. The offer is turned down.
June 3: Roger Clemens signs with the Houston Astros for $20 million, including a contract provision granting his request that all games he pitches in must be played in the backyard of his suburban home.
June 8: The Pittsburgh Pirates excitedly begin a three-game interleague series in New York against the Yankees and spend most of the opening game on their cell phones asking friends and relatives to turn on the TV so they can see that they actually are real major league players.
June 9: Looking to address the decreasing number of young black players in baseball, commissioner Bud Selig shows how much marketing savvy he has by releasing a rap album called "The Great Sport Of Baseball Is Really Quite Dope, Yo" under the name MC Selig.
June 10: With Randy Johnson's ERA hovering near 6.00 and his strikeout total way down, the Diamondbacks accuse the Yankees of trading them a different Randy Johnson than the one they turned over to New York two years ago.
June 11: Tired of getting embarrassed by him, the St. Louis Cardinals batting-practice pitcher begins pitching around Albert Pujols before each game.
June 12: Cubs fans begin lining up outside Wrigley Field hours before the gates open for a game against the Mariners in the hope of being one of the first 10,000 inside the stadium who will receive a free signed Kerry Wood MRI printout.
June 13: Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo collaborates with Reds fan Nick Lachey to record an album unofficially called "The Worst Album Ever."
June 15: The Los Angeles Angels take a one-hour trip from Anaheim to their hometown of Los Angeles to play the Dodgers.
June 16: Roger Clemens pitches his first game of the season and then promptly announces a four-day retirement to end when his spot in the rotation comes up again.
June 21: The Giants dangle young third baseman Pedro Feliz in the hope of landing a veteran leadoff hitter but are rebuffed when opposing general managers remind them that the 32-year-old Feliz is only young on the Giants.
June 22: Tony La Russa passes out during the eighth inning of a tight game against the Phillies, thereby allowing his left-handed reliever to stay in the game and pitch to two right-handed batters. Upon learning what he allowed to happen upon waking up, La Russa vows to never drink again.
June 23: Thanks to the continued mentoring of veteran Kenny Rogers, Tigers manager Jim Leyland announces that all of his young starters are now cheating asses.
June 24: Red Sox players play a prank on David Ortiz, telling him Terry Francona has penciled him into the lineup at first base and that he has to go buy a glove and learn how to field and catch before the 1:05 p.m. first pitch.
June 27: The Colorado Rockies become atheists after seeing that all their prayers have done absolutely nothing to help get them out of last place.
June 29: White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen releases his first book: "Ozzie Guillen's Spanish-To-English-Sailor Dictionary."
June 30: Standout Nationals third baseman Ryan Zimmerman fields his first ground ball of the year against the Pirates, marking the first time all season Washington's pitchers didn't have a pitch hit for a home run or at least to the warning track.
This is what we spent the majority of our time in the Bahamas doing, lounging by the beach or pool. Zeb developed a friendly relationship with the Bahama Mama Guy ("You have to taste it to get wasted"was his motto) and got $1 off all of his coconut shell drinks. This came in handy for the husbands who were allowed to drink pretty much whenever they wanted, while the staff had to keep it underwraps until after bed check.
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