The Five Hole

For whatever reason I always thought that the term "five hole" was a baseball term refering to the space between the thirdbaseman and the shortstop. I thought this because the position number for 3rd base is 5. It seemed reasonably logical to me, and I never heard anything else to make me think otherwise...so yeah, I'll admit it, that's what I thought it meant.

So tonight I'm watching SC with Zeb and Damon, and we're watching some hockey highlights and Zeb shouts out "Right in the old 5 hole!!!" Maybe I shouldn't have done this, but I started to call Zeb out and and try to tell him thats not what 5 hole means. (right now Zeb is trying to tell me that I probably shouldn't blog this and let the whole world know, like its something to be really ashamed about, and Damon is playing the theme song from Unsolved Mysteries on his cell phone) Anyway, we sort of argued about it and then I pulled out the old laptop to solve the debate with my old friend Google. Much to my dismay I was proven wrong. Turns out "5 Hole" is actually a hockey term used to describe when the ball goes between the goalie's legs. Exactly the context that Zeb used the term within. I hate when he's right.

No big deal right. Oops, somewhere along the way I misinterpreted a commonly used sports saying. But I do think I had good rationale. But nooooo, Zeb and Damon thought this was the funniest thing ever to occur. They spent about 5 minutes laughing their asses off and acting like I was the most stupid person alive. (As I type, Zeb continues to remind me that this is "ruining my credibility" and he even has the audacity to bring up and unfortunate softball experience from the old high school days after which I may, or may not, have been given the nickname "Stitch") So I'm putting it out there for you to weigh in on:

1. Would you have known what the "5 hole" was?


2. Even if you did know what the 5 hole was would you find it unbearably hilarious if you ran across another person who did not know what it was?


3. Do you think that my reasoning is based upon sound logic?

Later: Damon reads over this blog on his blackberry and laughs to himself. When I ask him what he's laughing about (thinking hes laughing at something I had written,) He says, "Oh nothing, just reminicing about 20 minutes ago." They think they're so funny.

Also, Let it be known that Zeb finds question # 2 to be leading and "squewed" (I'm pretty sure thats a fancy term he picked up in his speech class) He requests that question # 2 be read as follows: "Even if you did know what the 5 hole was would you find it unbearably hilarious if you ran across another person with the same baseball knowledge as Heather who did not know what it was?"

The Proper Usage of Hip Hop Referencing

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When Wu-Tang Clan's C.R.E.A.M. originally came out, the only thing I knew about it was that some kid 2 years older than me always wore a T-shirt with the saying. Some time later while exploring some of the classics of the hip hop genre I put 2 and 2 together and realized what that was all about. So when I heard Wycelf Jean's "The Sweetest Girl" a few months ago, I immediatly understood the Wu-Tang Clan reference in the lyrics: I'ma tell you/like Wu told me/cash rules everything around me/dollar dollar bill y'all in reference to the lyrics from the original song: Cash Rules Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. get the money, dollar dollar bill y'all. I liked the song, but probably only because I enjoyed the reference. Then, when I randomly caught the remix on my favorite TV station VH1 Soul the circle was complete. The end product being Wyclef & Raekwon (a member of the Wu-Tang Clan) singing "The Sweetest Girl" over a sample from the original C.R.E.A.M. track. Amazing. Basically for anyone who knows the original song, this is exactly what you wanted to hear as soon as soon as you heard the lyrical reference in "The Sweetest Girl." Thank you Wyclef. I love when you read my mind.

Cats on a Plane

I've been on enough flights to know that anytime you pack 100+ people into the cramped quarters of a tin flying machine and launch them through the air from one city to another, there is usually at least some notable story to come from the experience. Aisle? Window? or the dreaded middle seat? Getting stuck sitting with a random (in team speak a random is anyone on the plane who isn't a member of our particular entourage. Sitting next to randoms can be dangerous and aggravating as they are typically prone to asking all the usual questions, including: 1) So are you the cheerleaders? 2) What school are you from, Ohio State? 3) What's your major? 4) Did you win your game? - and they never seem to want to hear the real answer - "NO! Actually we got destroyed 13-1, it was a fucking fireworks display") And worse yet...if that random is oversized and spilling into your seat, or if that random smells bad. There are also of course the bossy flight attendants and the in-flight turbulence, oh, and the oldest trick in the book, the crying baby. But all of these airplane oddities pale in comparison to what I am about to tell you.

I raised my eyebrows first when oooooh around row 7. Meowing on a plane? That annoying frantic cat meow. It's one thing to be "that crazy cat lady" but its a whole different thing to take your show on the road and become "that crazy lady who takes her annoying frantic meowing cat on a plane." I chuckled and made a few jokes - something to the effect of "i'd pick sitting next to the crying baby over the annoying cat any day of the week"

I made my way back to my seat 22C (aisle seat on the right side of the plane if you must know) and was met by a friendly elfish looking male flight attendant. "So what position do you play?" He asked, and made no effort to hide his disappointment in the fact that I'm not an athlete. "I'm in med-school" He declared. Likely I thought, How many med students work part time as flight attendants? But before I could question he followed up with, "Softball huh? So how many girls on the team are Lesbians?" Under what circumstances would that ever be an appropriate question? I sort of just made a weird face, made a few confused mumblings ...uhh... arrgh... uhhh.... and threw back my hands a la Elvin on the Cosby show (I'm not touching that one buddy.) I briskly pulled out my book and figured I could deflect his awkward questioning by looking involved in my reading. Nope. "Whatcha guys reading?" Several others around me had books out as well so I tried to play the 'I'm so involved in my book that I don't even realize you're speaking to me card' - unsucessfully I might add - and he peered over my shoulder and loudly recited the title of my novel. "You know what you should read?" Full of questions this one. He reached up into the overhead compartment and pulled out a book.

You can read the back he offered.....had I mistakenly looked interested in his unsolicited recommendation?

Victor Mancini, a medical-school dropout, is an antihero for our deranged times. Needing to pay elder care for his mother, Victor has devised an ingenious scam: he pretends to choke on pieces of food while dining in upscale restaurants. He then allows himself to be “saved” by fellow patrons who, feeling responsible for Victor’s life, go on to send checks to support him. When he’s not pulling this stunt, Victor cruises sexual addiction recovery workshops for action, visits his addled mom, and spends his days working at a colonial theme park. His creator, Chuck Palahniuk, is the visionary we need and the satirist we deserve.

What the hell is this? "Oh, and another good book I read, its about supermodel who has her face mutilated and she has to wear a viel everywhere she goes..." quickly switching on the airplane intercom he seamlessly transitioned into the airplane safety equipment speech with barely a breath in between. "In the event of a water landing a flotation device is located under your seat cushion."

As I pondered the randomness of the previous 10 minutes a man came down the aisle and took his seat, stowing a cat in a carrier under the seat in front of him! Perfect. Over the course of the quick 40 min. trip from Tucson to Phoenix the flight attendant established himself as one of those people who is the world's leading authority on EVERYTHING. And I started to suspect that he was also possibly a pathological liar. For the sake of brevity I will include in outline format the rest of the fun facts I learned about the flight attendant over the course of the flight.

• He was a biology major at "THE" Ohio State University.
• He played tennis competitively.
• He had a sister who was a softball pitcher for a military university - although he failed to mention which one.

And if all this wasn't enough...then there was the cat. Finally we landed in Phoenix and the cat stored under the seat across the aisle wasn't too happy. He took to meowing loudly and attracted the attention of all the girls in the area. A few of them asked the man if he could take the cat out of it's carrier so that they could pet it. He politely declined, stating that the airlines did not allow him to have the cat out of it's carrier. But of course the flight attendant interjected "Oh, you can take him out...its okay.....although, I did have a ferret escape on one of my flights once."
So the man pulled the cat out...Samson was his name, and come to find out he was a bit of cat royalty. Apparently this cat was a big deal in the world of show cats, ranked The 12th cat in the world and the #1 RagDoll cat in the world. Now I don't know much about cat rankings, but this seemed pretty impressive.
We all oohhhhed and awwwwed for a little while as the plane slowly emptied. It came our turn to file off and so ended the pound for pound most eventful plane flight of my entire life.

For Emily

Klesko retiring from majors after 16-year career, agent says

IRVINE, Calif. -- Ryan Klesko is retiring after 16 seasons in the major leagues, agent Joe Sambito said Friday.

Klesko, an All-Star in 2001 with San Diego, hit .260 last season with six homers and 44 RBIs in 362 at-bats for the San Francisco Giants. He played in only six games the previous year for the Padres because of shoulder surgery. The 36-year-old became a free agent following the World Series and didn't sign.

For his career, Klesko batted .279 with 278 homers and 987 RBIs. His best season was 2001, when he hit .286 with 30 homers and 113 RBIs.

He spent seven seasons with San Diego after playing his first eight years in the big leagues with the Atlanta Braves.

The news of Klesko's retirement comes after a February report in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution in which Klesko told his former Braves' teammate Chipper Jones he was opting for retirement. Jones and Klesko played together in Atlanta from 1993-99.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that the Boston Red Sox were believed to have some interest in Klesko before signing Sean Casey to a one-year deal on Feb. 5.

For anyone who doesn't know: Emily once caught a ball at a baseball game that Ryan Klesko threw to her. No matter what happens - there will ALWAYS be Ryan Klesko.

April SNOW Showers...Bring May Flowers?

Warning: The images you are seeing are not from Montana. This is Oregon. Oregon in mid-April. Oh What? This has to be some kind of a record. I have never ever seen snow actually stick in Oregon this late in the year. So much for Global Warming.
So it did snow, but really? It wasn't really on the roads, yeah, there was a little bit of slush, but really not enough to cause problems. And we see this big truck that drove into a guard rail in the narrows. Sheesh. This guy has no business getting in a wreck. Give me a break!

Late Pass Wednesday

With all the blog slacking that I've been doing since we've been back in Oregon, I'm sure you can imagine that I'm starting to accumulate some really great Late Pass Wednesday materials. This one goes all the way back to Bozeman; its a cute little prank that my former Grad Students at MSU pulled on me during the last week at work. Over the course of the year they had become known for various ambush office decorations, mostly commemorating the various staff members birthdays. Since my birthday fell over the winter break when they were all gone I had slipped through the cracks, and bragged about this fact to great lengths. The Monday of my last week at MSU I arrived at work to find two of our Grad Students sitting outside of my office. This was odd since they usually didn't get there that early in the morning. So I was immediatly suspicious. Well, this is what I found:

My office filled up with 300 (give or take a few that popped) orange balloons. They had actually taken the time to write on each balloon a reason that I should stay or a funny inside joke or saying among the staff.
Naturally since one of the Grad Students was a big "The Office" fan, a few nods to the show were involved.
Well, I carefully read each one and popped them all that morning. I think the girls were a little bit disappointed that i popped them so quickly, because they felt it necessary to provide an encore performance the next morning.
So on Tuesday I decided to give them a little bit of satisfaction (I really didn't want to have an office filled with balloons for the third day running) So I ended up leaving the balloons as long as I could tolerate them. The rule was, if a balloon made its way out of the office it had to be popped, they ones that stayed in could live. I packed up my book shelves and most of my desk all the time working around the balloons. The girls accused me of trying to kick balloons out of the office so that they could be popped. I made it until just after lunch time when I started feeling a little chlostrophobic and staticy and popped them all and went on with my day.

As much as I complained to the girls about and and acted like I hated it, it was a really cute prank, and it did make me feel like I would be missed. It will definitely be something that I won't forget soon.

"The Office" Monday

Well, what to say? There was a lot of build up, and somehow it didn't quite match my expectations. There were definitely funny parts, but all in all I think my take away message is "Get back to the office!!!" The show started out about those crazy office dynamics and the strange characters that every office inevitably has. The whole Jan & Michael relationship makes me really awkward & I'm over it. Michael Scott deserves better! But there were still some great moments, such as:

• Serenity Candels by Jan - ??? for a one time hard core corporate woman, she really has that old school hippie vibe. Which leads me to...
• Hunter the Assistant's CD? Wow. Jan has some moves and she loves her some Hunter. Pretty sure that the song was written about Jan.
• Michael's 19 inch plasma screen TV. Really funny. And when Jan threw the dundie into the TV, i gasped out loud.

What did you think?

Next Week on "The Office"

NIGHT OUT 9/8c TV-PG 04.24.2008
Michael's (Steve Carell) fascination with a woman modeling a chair in an office supply catalog makes him feel things he hasn't felt in a while. With Michael distracted, Kevin (Brian Baumgartner) and Andy (Ed Helms) team up to win back Dunder Mifflin's stolen parking spaces, forcing them into a showdown with the bosses of the five businesses of the office park. Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, Oscar Nunez, Angela Kinsey, Phyllis Smith, Mindy Kaling, Leslie David Baker, Melora Hardin, Kate Flannery and Creed Bratton also star.

This Week on "The Office"

Well is here one feature on the blog that I really have missed. This week I am on the road, so I am uncertain when I will get a chance to watch this week's episode. Worst case scenario I'll have Zeb DVR it and I'll watch when i get home on Sunday. Oh the drama! Anyway, without further delay, here is what you can look forward to on The Office this week:

DINNER PARTY 9/8c TV-PG 04.10.2008
GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER - Pam (Jenna Fischer) and Jim (John Krasinski) find they have run out of excuses and are forced to go to Jan (Melora Hardin) and Michael's (Golden Globe winner Steve Carell) house for dinner. When Andy (Ed Helms) and Angela (Angela Kinsey) are also invited to dinner, Dwight's (Rainn Wilson) jealousy gets the best of him. Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner, Kate Flannery, Oscar Nunez, Phyllis Smith, Paul Lieberstein, Mindy Kaling and Creed Bratton also star.

Rejected T-Shirts

Found these on ESPN.com Page 2 & thought they were funny. I especially enjoyed they Yankees, Mariners, Reds, St. Louis & my favorite was the Brewers. Which ones made you laugh? (Click on pictures for enlarged images)