We have neighbors who we adore. More specifically, our neighbor is my husband's soulmate. He's from Boston, he loves the Sawks, he coaches baseball, he is generally crude, rude and socially unacceptable, and regularly uses words like peckerhead. We'll call him Maahhk (think Mark said with that Jimmy Fallon boston accent from SNL.) Lucky for me, Maahhk is married.
Of course Maahhk's family back in Boston are also diehard Red Sox fans. We've heard legendary Yankee hating stories centered around Maahhk's father and his unwavering hatred of all things NY, each tale more outlandish than the next. So when Maahhk announced that his Dad was coming to visit and we just had to meet him, I was a little nervous.....but totally up for the challenge. I'm riding a World Series Championship here, no Sox fan can take me down!
Finally the big day came that we were supposed to meet the Grand Daddy Yankee Hater of them All, and I noticed that Zeb seemed to be awkwardly trying to make a break for it and go by the neighbors house without me. I questioned him, and he told me that I should just stay home.
That's right, he told me to stay home because he was embarrassed for our neighbor's family to know that he is married to a Yankees fan. He is ashamed of ME!?
I gave him a hard time about it when he got back, and he finally admitted that he was indeed worried that if Maahhk's dad saw that he was married to a Yankees fan that he would not be considered a "true Red Sox fan." Real nice.
Lord Almighty, please don't let C.C. go down in a pile of flaming dog poop like Carl Pavano. It's all I'm asking for. I promise I'll do everything right and nothing wrong. I'll be nice to Zeb. Most of the time. Unless the Red Sox get Mark Texiera. Then all bets are off.
Amen.
You can't lie. This kid is filthy. I just hope that the Brewers didn't ride him 'til his arm fell off (oh yeah, they did,) and then forget to have it re-attached. Can't wait to see how this pans out. The bullpen still looks a little shaky though...
Also, the quest to determine professional sports most trailer-trashy team of all time is really starting to get going. I'm pulling for the Oakland Athletics circa FOREVER, or since the invention of white baseball cleats, and the opposition is championing the Atlanta Braves circa John Rocker era. You've got me on the whole John Rocker thing, but the A's have a long lineage of trailer-trashyness Mark McGuire/Bash Brothers, The Giambi Brothers, Nick Swisher. The list goes on. Post up with the team in all of sports history, doesn't have to be baseball that you think personifies trailer-trashyness. We'll poll it out when sufficent candidates have been nominated.
...The Swisher-Train that is.* Typically this is some trailer-trashy, Oakland A's bullshit that I would never condone. Similar to the Yanks acquiring Jason Giambi back in the day. Let's just put it out there and say that if you've donned the dreaded white cleats, and stood for everything that the A's do (you know: facial hair, outdated uniforms, green and yellow color combo, dumb facial expressions, jose canseco), there's about 99.9% chance that I will not welcome your arrival on My New York Yankees.
But Giambi won my affection (you can not deny the power of the 'stache.) Oh yeah, I think it was somewhere around the time when A-Rod tried to slap the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's hand during the 2004 ALCS that I said to myself "You know that Giambi, he's not that bad."
Sidenote: Really A-Rod. You actually manage to make Bronson Arroyo look kind of cool. Really.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, so I was able to open up my fanhood to welcome Giambi, and what do you know? I'm ready to do it again. I for one am a huge proponent of the Yankees aquireing Nick Swisher and here's why:
Getting Swisher to play 1st base for a reasonable amount of money decreases the possibility that the Yankees will be drawn into bidding wars over Mark Texiera. Texiera is a great player, don't get me wrong, but the last thing the Yankees need is another over-priced slugger. We need pitcher's people!
Greg is a Nick Swisher fan so by association Greg is now officially a Yankees fan. Congratulations Greg. I'll teach you the secret hand shake later.
*Yes, I fully realize that this post is approximatly 2 months late, but I figure since the free-agent market is basically in a stand still until someone signs C.C. Sabathia I'm still within my statutes of limitation. Suck it.
Gotta say, I'd been hoping that the Sox would trade off Manny before the deadline, mostly just because I think they'll be easier to beat without his bat. Yeah, less distractions in the club house, blah, blah blah. We'll see how it all ends up working out for them, Jason Bay is pretty comparable as far as the stats go this season, but I still think they'll be missing that "Manny being Manny" factor.
You know, it's actually kind of sad to see him go. Manny is one of the best in the game, and that makes beating the Red Sox even more sweet. He was a huge core to the Red Sox success in the recent years, so it's a little bit of an end of an era. Hopefully, an era that ushers in a few more World Series Titles for the Yankees, then I'm sure I won't miss seeing Manny in the other dugout at all.
Well, there you have it. Roger didn't do it after all. Boy, selective reality sure is handy. If you didn't get a chance to watch the whole press conference & you actually give a shit, I suggest you check it out. Here are a couple of my take-away thoughts on the topic:
Last night when I watched 60 minutes I thought he looked guilty as hell, but today I am overcome with guilt for thinking so badly of him. Dude was thirsty and pissed off listening to all the allegations. I thought he made a good argument for himself today and seemed genuine and believeable.
In the phone conversation McNamee kept bringing up how broke he is, and how bad of a financial situation he is in, really seemed like he was trying to bait Clemens into saying "Oh, I can take care of that for you" or something along those lines. I can really buy into Roger's lawyers argument that McNamee was trying to trap Clemens into saying something that could have gotten him in trouble for tampering with a witness.
What is the hell was Clemens doing letting a strength coach inject him with anything? That just seems so out of place to me? If he really was getting legit B-12 or lidocaine injections, why would he be having this guy doing it?
As an Athletic Trainer it is pretty annoying to watch a lot of the coverage for this, they are constantly throwing around the term "trainer" and the majority of the time it doesn't have anything to do with the Athletic Training Profession. I know I personally don't want my profession to be associated in any way with this kind of scandal.
Lastly, I would like to introduce the conspiracy theory that I am going to be using to justify this whole situation from now on. Mitchell of "Mitchell Report" Fame is associated with the Red Sox organization. I would like to contend that he had a vendetta against The Yankees and Roger Clemens and influenced McNamee to indicate Clemens against his own will. I really should have thought of this sooner.
As baseball fans we have the right to "selective reality" - it is our inalienable right. I think it's in the Bill of Rights actually.
Selective reality is that thing that allows us to be absolutally sure that the ump blew the game for our team - even when that pesky instant replay shows that he got the call right. It's the thing that allowed Dodger fans to berate Joe Torre and his inferior managing skills for the past 10 years, then instantaneously hail him as one of the games greatest minds when he crossed over to the dark side late last October. This is what baseball fans do. I should know, I actually managed to convince myself that the 2003 World Series never happened (for those of you who don't know, that's the year that the Florida Marlins allegedly defeated my Yankees for the title.) I also use selective reality when I proclaim Derek Jeter as the best shortstop in the game.
I've got this down to an art. But recently, one Major Leaguer has been making this task pretty difficult for me. Roger Clemens is a legend (even if you take everything else away, the simple fact that he beaned Mike Piazza and knocked him out cold should be enough to get The Rocket into The Hall.) That slow southern drawl, 350 + wins, BFF with Andy Pettite, 7 Cy Young awards, and named his kids all starting with the letter K??? How can you not love this guy?
Then this whole "steriod thing" came about. I mean, honestly, I guess it's really not much of a surprise to anyone, but I desperatly want to use my selective reality to maintain my untainted image of Clemens. He's just making it so difficult. He got caught playing the game that Barry Bond's invented, only he's just not quite as good at it. At least Bonds was either smart enough, or scary enough, to make sure that his steroid supplying flunky was loyal. Clemens - not so much, he managed to associate with only guy with a bigger mouth than Jose Canseco. And now, to make matters worse, he doesn't even have a good excuse that I can buy into. So here is my open letter to Roger Clemens:
Dear Mr. Clemens,
Help a girl out. I don't want to have to turn my autographed baseball to the side with Ramiro Mendoza's name. Please, in the name of all that is good, think of an excuse that is at least plausible. For your convenince I have included a few ideas of my own.
Top 5 Reasons Why Brian McNamee Says I Did Steroids
1) I stole his girlfriend and now he is out for revenge. 2) I tripped and fell on the needle he was prepping for Andy Pettite. 3) The dog ate my homework. 4) Have you ever seen that movie The Fan? Robert Deniro = Brian McNamee 5) I thought it was the flu vaccine.
Okay, a lot has gone on in Yankeeland since the season ended, so I figured it was time for a quick recap with my commentary.
A-Rod out. maybe? This is the best news to me EVER. I rejoiced. I did the fist pump. No, better yet, I did the mini lunge-triple fist pump-80's guitar leg kick. Take that. Management said, goodbye A-Rod and vowed to not negotiate with him, and the spawn of satan Scott Boras. And now they tell me he might be back in? NO. It's almost enough to make me shun the yankees. It's almost too much for me to handle. I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about it. I mean....i did the mini lunge-triple fist pump-80's guitar leg kick. You can't take that shit back.
Joe Torre out. It was inevitable, so I'm not that stressed. It's weird to see him with the Dodgers, but I hope he does well for himself and I wouldn't mind seeing the Yankees/Torre grudge match in the '08 World Series. Would make for some good media right?
Joe Girardi in. Yes. This guy was my top pick. He is a GREAT yankees, and he was with all the important teams that won back in the day. Back in the Tino Martinez, Chuck Knoblauch, Wade Boggs, Paul O'Neill, David Cone perfect game day. I see great things in the future.
Posada and Rivera get offers they might accept & Pettite says its the Yankees or Retirement? Great, this is all going in the direction that I like. I've said before that I think Posada is the biggest priority of this off season. Keep him, and somehow manage to hang on to our young pitching prospects and we're golden. GOOOOOLLLDEN.
So in closing, I leave you with this image. And I hope it's enough to ward off his evil presence with the Yankees. P.S. Go to http://www.arod.com/ and try not to vomit. I dare you.
NEW YORK -- Joe Torre is out as manager of the New York Yankees, rejecting a substantial pay cut after the team failed to make it past the first round of the playoffs for the third straight year.
Torre turned down a $5 million, one-year contract Thursday -- $2.5 million less than he made last season.
Rather than put up with the indignity of a salary slap coupled with a performance-based contract, the man who led the Yankees to playoff appearances in all 12 years he managed walked.
"A difficult day," general manager Brian Cashman said. Bench coach Don Mattingly is the leading contender to replace Torre, who won four World Series championships with the Yanks but none since 2000. Yankees broadcaster Joe Girardi, the NL manager of the year with Florida in 2006, is another top contender.
Most Yankees fans could see this day coming. After losing the first two playoff games to Cleveland, owner George Steinbrenner said he didn't think Torre would be asked back if the Yankees didn't advance.
The 67-year-old Torre, who took over the team to start the 1996 season, made his decision after traveling from New York to the team's spring training complex in Tampa, Fla., and meeting with Steinbrenner, the owner's sons and top executives for about an hour. He was accompanied by Cashman and chief operating officer Lonn Trost.
New York's offer included $3 million in bonuses if the Yankees reached next year's World Series and an $8 million option for 2009 that would have become guaranteed if New York won the AL pennant.
Torre just completed a $19.2 million, three-year contract. The Chicago Cubs' Lou Piniella was the second highest-paid manager at $3.5 million.
"Under this offer, he would continue to be the highest-paid manager in major-league baseball," team president Randy Levine said. "We thought that we need to go to a performance-based model, having nothing to do with Joe Torre's character, integrity or ability. We just think it's important to motivate people."
It appeared to be an offer designed to be rejected. Scott Boras, the agent for Yankees star Alex Rodriguez, said players would have interpreted an acceptance by Torre as weakness. "It is difficult, near impossible, to accept a salary cut," Boras said. "Successful people can afford their principles. They understand if they accept the position, there is a great risk the message to all under him is dissatisfaction."
Torre called Cashman on Tuesday and asked to meet with the 77-year-old Steinbrenner and the owners' sons, Hal and Hank, who have taken an increased role in recent months. They spent an hour together, and then Torre was gone.
Torre led the Yankees to 10 AL East title, but they have gone without a Series championship in the last seven and haven't reached it since 2003.
With 2,067 regular-season wins, Torre is eighth on the career list and was third among active managers behind Tony La Russa of the St. Louis Cardinals (2,375) and Bobby Cox (2,255) of the Atlanta Braves. Torre's four World Series titles are likely to earn him a place in the Hall of Fame -- every manager with three or more has been inducted.
Torre's was the longest uninterrupted term for a Yankees manager since Casey Stengel held the job for 12 years from 1949-60. Stengel was pushed out, too, let go after his team lost a seven-game World Series to the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Under Torre, the Yankees went 1,173-767. He trails only Joe McCarthy (1,460) for wins among Yankees managers. "This has been a great 12 years. Whatever the hell happens from here on out, I'll look back on these 12 years with great, great pleasure," Torre said after his final game, his voice quavering as he tried to avoid choking up. "The 12 years just felt like they were 10 minutes long, to be honest with you."
He wouldn't address his future. "If I have some options, I'll look at it because I'm certainly not ready to move somewhere and not do anything," the New Yorker said.
When Torre succeeded Buck Showalter, the Yankees had not won the World Series since 1978, the longest drought since the team's first title in 1923. It was the 20th change in manager following Steinbrenner's purchase of the franchise in 1973.
Torre never had much success as a manager before landing in New York, and many predicted he would be gone in no time. But he turned out to be a rock and a buffer to the blustery Steinbrenner. He was calm, stoic and brought an unprecedented period of stability to a team accustomed to constant turmoil.
The Brooklyn native was a former NL MVP and a nine-time All-Star. Before joining the Yankees, he had unsuccessful managing stints with the Braves, Cardinals and New York Mets -- the three clubs he played for. When the Yankees hired him, one New York paper dubbed him "Clueless Joe."
But New York won the World Series in 1996, led by a group that included Bernie Williams, rookie Derek Jeter, setup man Mariano Rivera, Paul O'Neill and Tino Martinez. With catcher Jorge Posada added in, they won the Series from 1998-2000, the first team to win three straight since the Swingin' Oakland A's of 1972-74, and advanced to Game 7 of the Series in 2001, when they failed to hold a ninth-inning lead at Arizona.
Since then, despite baseball's largest payroll, there has been only frustration: a first-round loss to the Anaheim Angels in 2002, a World Series defeat to the Florida Marlins in 2003 and a painful exit the following year, when they allowed the Boston Red Sox to overcome a 3-0 deficit in the AL Championship Series.
They lost to the Angels in five games in the first round in 2005, were eliminated by the Detroit Tigers last year and were knocked out by the Cleveland Indians this year. Communication between Torre and Steinbrenner deteriorated in 2005, and it wasn't clear that Torre would return for 2006 until after the pair met in Tampa. Steinbrenner meddled less with the team the past two seasons -- even during a 21-29 start this year -- giving almost unprecedented authority to Torre and Cashman.
Mattingly became the Yankees' bench coach this year following three seasons as hitting coach. A six-time All-Star and a former AL MVP, he starred for the team from 1982-95 and is a fan favorite whose No. 23 was retired by the Yankees in 1997.
"Don is reserving comment, at this time, out of respect to Joe Torre," Mattingly's agent, Ray Schulte, told 1050 ESPN New York.
Girardi is a Torre protege who kept a young Florida team in contention until late in the 2006 season with a no-nonsense approach.
The good news is that last night the Yankees finally got their bats going. Little Philly Hughes (pictured above) was the hero of the night with a stellar long relief performance. For another day, A-Rod escapes my ridicule, and I give him the benefit of the doubt once again. The game is on tonight at 5:30 my time, I'm working on my superstitions already.
Today is potentially A-Rod's last shot to redeem himself to New York Yankee fans. In an attempt to give him a fair shot to prove himself, I am taking down my photos. In the case that A-Rod continues to choke, I will re-post them. But, hopefully, I will be able to make a post celebrating a big Yankees win tonight.
This is the face of a man whose team did not make the playoffs. Note the confusion as he points to the team whose bandwagon he has climbed aboard. This man is SAD.
This is the face of a man who has lost his damn mind. His team is in the playoffs and he actually thinks that by making this scary face he can help his team win. This man is SAD.
Just about the only big story of the MLB Trade Deadline is Eric Gagne beingacquired by the Red Sox. Just another deal in a long tradition of what I call yankee/red sox "spite trading" Basically what happens is that one team (in this case the Red Sox) trades for or signs a player simply, and for no other reason than, because they don't want another team in the division (in this case the Yankees) to get said player. What the heck do the Red Sox need Eric Gagne for? They already have (and it pains me to say this) the best closer in the game today, and if there were any midseason weaknesses to be addressed, the pitching staff certainly wasn't one of them. The only way this trade makes sense to benefit the Sox is if they have Gagne penciled in to be the new power hitting shortstop. Seriously.
But you know what? All this Red Sox spite directed at the Yankees, I welcome it. This is what the whole rivalry is about. Doing things just to make the other team fume. I can only hope that on Aug. 28 when the Yankees and Red Sox meet again at Yankee Stadium they'll channel all this spite into a brawl. Because that is exactly what this rivalry needs.
The only thing more painful than watching the train wreck that is Carl Pavano is trying to read through an entire article dedicated to trying to explain his inexplicable downfall. For the mascists among us, here ya go:
Well, its official. Roger Clemens is going to be a Yankee again. I had finally really convinced myself that there was no chance of this happening. Why would The Rocket want to become one of the walking dead that is the Yankees Starting Rotation? Well, go figure. Sign him up. If he can act as a stabilizing factor in this rotation and get these guys to go past 5 innings per start, then he'll be worth every penny of his 28 million dollar 1 year contract. If not, well, at least he will have pissed off pleanty of Red Sox fans in the process. See, Roger is exactly what baseball needs. This guy is just a little bit crazy, and not afraid to sling a piece of splintered lumber at an opponent. We need more guys like this in the game. A few brawls here and there are actually GOOD for the game. Seriously. The fact that he almost killed Mike Piazza is only one of the many reasons I love this man.
Can't wait to see his first start back in the pinstripes. I just really hope he doesn't come down with CarlPavanoitis. They better make sure he gets all his vaccines.
In other baseball related news: Ted Williams has been cloned and he is coming back to play for the Red Sox. He is about the same age as Clemens. (c) Damon
My opinion on A-Rod's impressive start to the season? Not Impressive.
My reinactment of yesterday's walk off homer? Arod: "ooooh I am so awesome! look at me everyone, i am really, really great! Doesn’t everyone here in Yankee Stadium think I am amazing?!!? Look at me! I just helped us win a regular season game everyone! Call the New York Post! Wooooooooo! We just won one game against the Indians! Yesssssssssssssssssssss! I told you so! I told you all that I am awesome! Aaaaahhhhh!! Now you all are obligated to love me! Wwwwwoooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
Well, If you asked me about all of this, I would tell you that A-Rod owes us at least this much. And if you asked me, I’d tell you that hes not even close to breaking even with Yankees fans yet. Here are the top offenses that A-Rod owes Yankess fans for by my calculations: - 2004 (a.k.a. “The Curse of A-Rod”) - Trying to slap the ball from Bronson Arroyo’s hand like a little girl in the ’04 ALCS - More post-season chokes than any human is able to count - Constantly having to hear “A-Rod was a better shortstop than Jeter, and they should have never moved him to third base” - Constantly having to hear about A-Rod being moved to 8th in the lineup in the ’06 post season. - A-Rod/Jeter BFF Sleepovers, enough said.
So the way I see it, A-Rod is going to need to keep up this pace straight through October, and I might be convinced to call it a wash. Until that happens, I’ll believe it when I see it.
If Roger Clemens pitches in The Pinstripes again next season, the Yankees are ready for his return.
Second baseman Robinson Cano will give up his No. 22 if Clemens returns to the Bronx. Cano will switch to No. 24.
A team official told ESPN that Cano approached the team's equipment personnel and said he was aware that he was wearing Clemens' former number and hoped that the availability of the number would be a lure for Clemens to New York. Cano chose his new number because its digits reversed would be Jackie Robinson's old number.
Cano's uniform switch was first reported by The New York Post.
"I was happy to give up the number to a future Hall of Famer if Roger comes aboard," Cano said in a statement, according to The Post. "Hopefully, he will be one of my teammates, I'll have the pleasure of playing with him."
Clemens, who has pitched for Houston the past three seasons, wore No. 22 when he pitched for the Yankees from 1999-2003.
The Post reported that the number switch already might have been relayed to Clemens' representatives.
However, Randy Hendricks, Clemens' agent, told The Post in an e-mail that his client is in no hurry to pick a team.
"No decision will be made until well after spring training, perhaps until after the season starts," Hendricks wrote to The Post.
This week, one of the greatest american tragedies occured. Jeter lost the AL MVP race to the Twin's Justin Morneau. I am personally horrified at this, and have decided to completely ban baseball until this wrong is made right...oooor, until February when spring training starts. Who's with me?!?!
Although part of me says...this is what Jeter gets for dating Jessica Biel? Ick.
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