Zeb-Deals Mode

I'm sure I've shared with many of you the phenomenon that often occurs in my household - now known as "Zeb-Deals Mode." This occurs when a few factors align - 1) Zeb is in the market for a specific new toy. Often some piece of electronics, but not necessarily limited to electronics. 2) The perfect, and unbelievable deal becomes available - typically after intense research, and almost always there is some type of time limit on this deal that makes it necessary to make the purchase immediatly. Below I have made an attempt to outline the typical process that "Zeb-Deals Mode" goes through, with various (usually unsuccessful) interventions that I have tried to use to side track "Zeb-Deals Mode"

1. IDENTIFICATION: Zeb identifies a specific need in his existence. (typically this "need" is going to be more along the lines of a "want," if you will, or a distant fantasy. Very unlikely to be something that is a necessity) At this point I will do my best to point out the reasons why said "need" is actually un-needed. A key at this stage is to use extreme dis-interest in the topic, because if I become too intertwined in discussion about said "need" Zeb may actually mistake this for a signal that specified purchase is a possibility. "So you're saying I have a chance."
   
2. REPETITION: Zeb begins to bring the topic up more and more frequently. Say he mentions that he wants to buy a Kayak once - I'm in the clear. But if he starts to bring this up multiple times, it could be a problem. One strategy that has seemed to work at this stage is to act like I can't hear his comments. I'll either just be silent when he starts talking about the purchase, or sometimes even say "what?" and when he repeats it say "what?" again. I'll repeat this as many times as necessary until he stops trying to tell me about said purchase.
3. RESEARCH: Zeb begins looking up facts about the purchase, finding out what brands are good brands. He will usually start to see what typical prices are. At this point he may even act disappointed to find out how expensive something is, and he may even act as if he does not think he can afford said item. "Awww, it's really too bad that kayaks cost $5,000. I guess that's way too much, we really can't afford that now." This is in no way an indicator that I am in the clear. Again, at this phase avoidance is the best strategy. I try to avoid engaging Zeb in any sort of discussion about this purchase.
4. INTENSE RESEARCH: Zeb starts researching non-stop. At this point he will begin finding deals. It would be typical for Zeb to come up with a few "decoy" deals to pump-fake me, before he goes in for the kill with the final "Zeb-Deal." Once Zeb has reached the intense research phase the purchase will likely go down within the next 24-72 hours. It is unlikely that I have any chance of reversing the process once it has reached the intense research phase.
5. ZEB-DEAL: The final Zeb-Deal will always be at a huge discount to any other sale price that has been listed anywhere else. It will always be a once in a lifetime deal, and there will always be some sort of time constraint, such as an open box opportunity at a store, or a craig's list sale that "isn't going to last for long." I know it's over when I start hearing phrases like "but it was originally $5,000 and now they're selling it for only $750" or "fine, I'll just wait and buy it at the regular price." By the time that the Zeb-Deal comes, I am typically so tired of fighting off this purchase that I no longer have the will to tell him we can't afford it, or that we don't really need it. This is when Zeb swoops in and seals the Zeb-Deal.

I hope you have found this informational, and now you can hopefully recognize when someone in your life goes into "Zeb-Deals Mode," and you may even be able to temporarily sidetrack or delay the progression of the Zeb Deal.

Late Pass Wednesday: Pitching Machine Fiasco

I know I haven't posted much on it this year, but Zeb is coaching 13/14 year old baseball through the Boys and Girls Club of Corvallis again this year. He had high expectations for the year with several kids returning this year that he coached last year. At some point in the middle of the season, with the team slumping at the plate, Zeb decided that the only way for his team to take it to the next level was if they had a pitching machine to hit off of everyday in practice. I did my best to dissuade the man, but he had already ventured too far into what I will from this point on refer to as "Zeb-Deals Mode" I will outline this phenomenon in a soon to come blog so that you may gather further information on "Zeb-Deals Mode," such as symptoms and possible prevention strategies.

Zeb somehow managed to find this pitching machine as pictured above from a college kid living in Medford. Apparently it is a $2000 machine, which Zeb somehow convinced the kid to sell it to him for $350 - and then Zeb somehow convinced the parents of his team to all pitch in money toward the cause. So really all that ended up coming out of my pocket was $10 and the gas money it took to get to Medford and back.
As much as I put up a fuss about Zeb spending money on such funny thing, it turned out to be a lot of fun. We've gone out to the baseball field and taken a few buckets of balls on some Sundays (Even Ollie got the run around the field and shag balls - he actually did bring a few in from the outfield, but I think he took more out there than he brought in,) which was fun as hell. And the kids on Zeb's team absolutely think it is the coolest thing in the world. All in all I guess it was worth it. We like to joke around about tearing down the fence we share with one of our neighbors (basically Zeb's soulmate, the husband of the family is a baseball coach at CHS, a Red Sox fan & about as crude & blunt as Zeb) and building an ajoined hitting cage in our back yards. Complete with field lights for the nighttime. Yeah, I really don't think we would have any problem getting that passed by the Home Owners Association.

Happy Birthday Zeb!

Today, is Zeb's 27th birthday - so naturally I gave him his presents on Monday. I'm pretty proud of myself too. See, Zeb's not the best present receiver in the world, so to have gotten him a gift he actually likes, without him hand picking it out himself is a pretty big accomplishment. More to come on these hand made screen prints in another blog. I think we've got another world's best link on our hands.

Who Let The Dogs Out?

We're puppy sitting for my Sister In-Law while they're on vacation, so for the next 9 days we're at a 1:1, dog:people ratio in my house. Abby (the pug - 3 years old) and Elmer (pug/boston mix - 13 years old) have been a ton of fun so far, and Ollie's behavior has drastically improved, probably out of shear exhaustion. We call them "the herd" and they are quite a site to be seen, and heard. Abby makes the most noise just living of any dog I have ever seen. To think that Damon thought Ollie was loud.

Since Thursday, when we increased our dog population by 200%, we've also managed to turn our back yard into a dog park for an evening - hosting along with our herd a 5 month old bull mastif and a chocolate lab (our neighbors dogs.) Let's just say that last night Ollie humped to his little hearts content & has been passed out all day long.

World's Best Link!!!

Congratulations! You did it!! World's Best Link!!

Introducing:

Flip Flop Flyball

A funny, geeky look into the world of a baseball stats maniac. And the graphics are just fun to look at. My favorite section? Really Fantasy Baseball - Wu-Tang Clan vs. The E Street Band. Enjoy!

An Open Letter to the Creepy Check-Out Guy at Safeway

Dear Creeper,

Just because I'm checking out in your line doesn't give you free range to comment on the contents of my basket. Yeah, maybe I have ground beef & corn flakes in my cart - but that doesn't mean I'm making meatloaf and it sure as hell doesn't mean I want to have a conversation about meatloaf.

Oh and just because I'm in line with Damon - doesn't mean that we'd like you to start making comments about "what I'm going to make him for dinner." Oh and the "winks" and "knowing glances" - unnecessary. Mind your business guy.

So what - I'm buying rice, terriyaki sauce & garlic. What do you care if I'm making an asian themed dinner tonight? Leave me alone!

I bought that US magazine with Stefanie from The Hills on the cover. Sue me! I know it's ridiculous - but I'll hear that enough from Zeb, I don't need you telling me too!

Next time I'm in line, you can go ahead and fight the urge to make awkward chatter and how about you just let me check out in peace.

Sincerely Yours,

Heather

Remember the Time

Yeah, I know. Everyone is gonna have their corny tribute to MJ - but if you were born anytime in the 80's you kinda have to. He was the definition of pop culture - our version of Elvis, right?

Of course I remember dancing around in our living room, listening to Pie-Co Jackson (the way Charles used to pronounce in back in the day.) Trying to figure out how the hell to do the moon walk - I never did get it. Watching his video premieres during prime time TV - after the cosby show right? And we never had cable TV growing up, so friends would video tape his music videos and specials on MTV for us so that we could watch it.

My Canadian roommate in grad school admitted that she thought that Prince, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince & Michael Jackson were the same person. Talk about living under a rock.

Blast you MJ hard this weekend, and feel free to do a couple of obligatory crotch grabs & pelvic thrusts in remembrance. Owwwwwww!!!

WTF Jon & Kate

Watched Jon & Kate tonight. So depressing. Not even The Bachelorette can bring me out of it.

The thing is that it seems so obvious. Everyone watching could list a handful of things that either one of the two could do differently to help the relationship...but for some reason they just won't do it. Quit the show, let Jon get his day job & identity back, have Kate quit the book tour. Something - anything. If you're "willing to do anything for your kids" wouldn't you be willing to think about those options?

But when you're in the middle of the situation, you can't see they little things that could make it all different. Right? Those things that everyone else looking in can see so clearly?

I really would hope that if I were in a situation where I were driving my marriage into the ground - someone close to me would be willing to step in and tell me that I was f-ing up. Oh yeah, and I hope that I would be smart enough to listen.

Coming Soon:
Baby Shower Mania
Pitching Machine Fiasco
Me Against the Mob
Ollie's 1st Birthday
San Antonio

Now This Is Gonna Happen

Woooooo! Just when I was about to make another post about how I have done absolutely nothing with the garage - Zeb went and had a mad cleaning spree on Saturday. Now you can actually see the garage floor. Awesome. The bulk of the mess has been taken care of - now just on to some organizing. I've claimed a corner - my office, if you will. Zeb is a little annoyed at the prospect of sharing the "man zone" - but at least I'm not trying to get into the game room.

When we bought the house it seemed completely too big for us, but we've managed to fill it up in just a few short months and now are arguing over garage real estate. Oh how the tables have turned...

Garage Makeover

Memorial Day Weekend was very productive. We did ton's of work around the house, which desperately needs to be done. Owning a house is hard, by the way. So the next huge project that needs to be tackled is the garage. I'm going to try to post a picture of the progress weekly (yes, that's how bad it is, this isn't a one weekend job....this is like a 12 weekend job) I'm hoping that the pressure of posting a new picture each week will motivate me to get something done. So here goes, if you can wrap your mind around it, try to imagine that this isn't even taken at the peak of mess.

Any words of encouragement?

Softball Guy

Try to guess which type of "softball guy" Zeb would be.

Who's Afriad of the Calico Cat?

Click to view and read the picture close up. It is pure hilarity. This flyer was dropped off at all the houses in the neighborhood today. Apparently this guy has an affinity for song birds & a little too much time on his hands. Reading this thing 'effing killed me.

I'm pretty sure Zeb is going to commend this cat for all it's hard work, because he was pretty pissed Monday morning to be woken up at 5:00AM by the sound of those darn songbirds!

So what is your favorite part of this lovely public service announcement? I'll have to go with "I've tried scaring it off but it keeps coming back -- temptation for the taste of of wild prey is too great" WHAT?!?! It's a calico cat guy! Are! you! jo-king!?

Also, please note the caption on the picture, and the awesome photoshop skills.

Puppy Crisis

Long story short - Ollie started limping sporadically last week. Zeb and I freaked out. Ollie continued about his business and thought we were crazy for making such a big deal about it, but continued limping sporadically. I almost got an ulcer worrying about the guy, so we took him to the Vet. Apparently they think he has a subluxing knee cap. Yeah, I know. I would get a gimp dog with an orthopedic issue. Really!?
The Vet recommended Ollie go on a strict plan of rest, no running, no jumping. Which, I'll have you know are about the only things Ollie does on any consistent basis. It's been hell. The little guy is going crazy and so are we. So far the improvements have been...less than impressive. But we're not even halfway through the recommended period of rest (2 weeks!?) I realize that I am the worst patient/parent of a patient ever because all I want is an instant fix. I spend probably 70 hours a week convincing athletes that "there is no magic fix, it takes time and commitment to your treatment plan", but what do I want? Oh I want an instant fix. And I want it now.

Tuesday Rant

How about these widescreen clips from The Youtubes? Gosh that's annoying. It really doesn't fit into my blog layout. So I have a dillema, change the layout...avoid clips altogether? It's a no win situation.

Now on to make tacos for dinner & watch The American Idols.

I'm Not Even Mad

I can't even be mad at this, that's how impressive it is. Just some good effing baseball, stealing home and other shenanegans.

2 Great Things and an Observation

1. Madcon - Beggin' : Love the old school swaggar of this song. Saw it on some commercial a long time ago, but finally figured out what the song actually was. Gonna be rockin' this on the old Ipod this weekend in The Bay.
   
2. Twitter : Okay, so I know what you're thinking....oh she finally figured out what Twitter is and got on the band wagon. But that is false. I've known about it for a long time, but Damon recently got serious about it, and turns out he is a much better twitterist than a blogger. Also turns out that he's had a twitter account since 2007. I'm pretty sure that makes him the first twitter user ever. He also has had his blogger account since 2004. I asked him what the big thing is going to be in 2012, but he refuses to give up his secrets. Also, Greg, Nick Swisher is on Twitter...so.....

An Observation: Blazer fans are coming out of the wood works, walking around the neighborhood in their Brandon Roy jerseys, talking about "what time is tip off" non-stop. Get out of here. No one cares about NBA. Thanks.

Here's a Thought

First of all - who knew there were still real pirates out there? But this whole Somalian pirates fiasco has got me thinking. Why don't they just take all the time, money, energy & man hours spent trying to end music & dvd piracy and funnel all those resources over to eradicating real pirates around the world? Seems like it's a win-win-win situation for everyone. Lemme get that free Napster back.

Nick Swisher On His Pitching Debut

This is a ridiculous situation, but I like the guy because he's a team player and he's going to do what it takes to help the team and to keep the team "camaraderie" high.

We Like Sportz

First, on a completely unrelated topic, let me say: Screw you Josh Beckett, and your 10 strike-out getting ass.

Since Charles brought this up, it really wouldn't be fair to deprive the "Married To The Game" readership. Basically it started out as something that Damon and I thought was hilarious for no apparent reason. It reminds us of Zeb, especially the "when my team loses I'll be mean all night" line. And it makes us laugh hysterically.

Yesterday I was mean all night, by the way.

Some however (COUGH *charles* COUGH) don't find it to be funny at all. So solve this debate for us please, is this video funny or not?

Opening Day

This pretty much sums up my day.

By today I was JUICED for the Yankees opening day. I'd been watching plenty of baseball tonight, and I'd been buying into what the sports casters were saying about my boys. They said that they looked GOOOOOOOD. I'm talking filthy good.

This weekend we had our first real sun, which, as anyone who has ever lived in Oregon knows, means that 1) Everyone has been outside soaking up that 70 degree Sun from sunrise to sunset, 2) Everyone has a nasty sun burn from finally uncovering their neon white skin, 3) Everyone is in the best mood possible, because they're high off sunlight.

I wake up this AM, fresh off my weekend of sun intoxication, promptly dress for work in SHORTS, yeah, thats right. And roll off to work, barely able to stand myself and the anticipation of opening day, and my new ace, CC Sabathia pitching a gem.

Let me just cut to the chase. CC gave up 6 runs in 4.1 innings, his first start without a strike out since July 2005, oh yeah, and the first time EVER that a yankee starter gave up 5 walks with no strikeouts on an opening day. Awesome. I'm pissed. I kick over my co-worker's chair. Don't feel bad for him. He asked for it.

In other news I picked my fantasy baseball team name. HangOutW/YourWangOut, with a picture of Chien-Ming Wang on my profile. And don't worry my first post draft move was to pick up Chein-Ming Wang. Luckily enough, I also have C.C. "I only pitched 4.1 innings in my Yankee Debut" Sabathia on my fantasy team too.

Ken Griffey Jr. hit a homerun in his prodigal return with the Mariners today. I love it. I have a theory that "The Kid" is going to light it up all year long, knocking bombs like he's on roids, only hes NOT of course. It's going to be like magic, he's going to recapture the glory of his youth. And then when A-Rod and Randy Johnson see how well he's doing with their old team, they are going to demand a trade and go back to Seattle also to create a 1995 alumni team. And Edgar Martinez & Jay Buehner (can't spell that) are going to come out of retirement too. And it's going to be amazing.

I guess you can now understand how my over-active imagination led me to believe that the Yankees were going to be awesome this year.