An Open Letter to the Creepy Check-Out Guy at Safeway

Dear Creeper,

Just because I'm checking out in your line doesn't give you free range to comment on the contents of my basket. Yeah, maybe I have ground beef & corn flakes in my cart - but that doesn't mean I'm making meatloaf and it sure as hell doesn't mean I want to have a conversation about meatloaf.

Oh and just because I'm in line with Damon - doesn't mean that we'd like you to start making comments about "what I'm going to make him for dinner." Oh and the "winks" and "knowing glances" - unnecessary. Mind your business guy.

So what - I'm buying rice, terriyaki sauce & garlic. What do you care if I'm making an asian themed dinner tonight? Leave me alone!

I bought that US magazine with Stefanie from The Hills on the cover. Sue me! I know it's ridiculous - but I'll hear that enough from Zeb, I don't need you telling me too!

Next time I'm in line, you can go ahead and fight the urge to make awkward chatter and how about you just let me check out in peace.

Sincerely Yours,

Heather

Remember the Time

Yeah, I know. Everyone is gonna have their corny tribute to MJ - but if you were born anytime in the 80's you kinda have to. He was the definition of pop culture - our version of Elvis, right?

Of course I remember dancing around in our living room, listening to Pie-Co Jackson (the way Charles used to pronounce in back in the day.) Trying to figure out how the hell to do the moon walk - I never did get it. Watching his video premieres during prime time TV - after the cosby show right? And we never had cable TV growing up, so friends would video tape his music videos and specials on MTV for us so that we could watch it.

My Canadian roommate in grad school admitted that she thought that Prince, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince & Michael Jackson were the same person. Talk about living under a rock.

Blast you MJ hard this weekend, and feel free to do a couple of obligatory crotch grabs & pelvic thrusts in remembrance. Owwwwwww!!!

WTF Jon & Kate

Watched Jon & Kate tonight. So depressing. Not even The Bachelorette can bring me out of it.

The thing is that it seems so obvious. Everyone watching could list a handful of things that either one of the two could do differently to help the relationship...but for some reason they just won't do it. Quit the show, let Jon get his day job & identity back, have Kate quit the book tour. Something - anything. If you're "willing to do anything for your kids" wouldn't you be willing to think about those options?

But when you're in the middle of the situation, you can't see they little things that could make it all different. Right? Those things that everyone else looking in can see so clearly?

I really would hope that if I were in a situation where I were driving my marriage into the ground - someone close to me would be willing to step in and tell me that I was f-ing up. Oh yeah, and I hope that I would be smart enough to listen.

Coming Soon:
Baby Shower Mania
Pitching Machine Fiasco
Me Against the Mob
Ollie's 1st Birthday
San Antonio

Now This Is Gonna Happen

Woooooo! Just when I was about to make another post about how I have done absolutely nothing with the garage - Zeb went and had a mad cleaning spree on Saturday. Now you can actually see the garage floor. Awesome. The bulk of the mess has been taken care of - now just on to some organizing. I've claimed a corner - my office, if you will. Zeb is a little annoyed at the prospect of sharing the "man zone" - but at least I'm not trying to get into the game room.

When we bought the house it seemed completely too big for us, but we've managed to fill it up in just a few short months and now are arguing over garage real estate. Oh how the tables have turned...

Garage Makeover

Memorial Day Weekend was very productive. We did ton's of work around the house, which desperately needs to be done. Owning a house is hard, by the way. So the next huge project that needs to be tackled is the garage. I'm going to try to post a picture of the progress weekly (yes, that's how bad it is, this isn't a one weekend job....this is like a 12 weekend job) I'm hoping that the pressure of posting a new picture each week will motivate me to get something done. So here goes, if you can wrap your mind around it, try to imagine that this isn't even taken at the peak of mess.

Any words of encouragement?

Softball Guy

Try to guess which type of "softball guy" Zeb would be.

Who's Afriad of the Calico Cat?

Click to view and read the picture close up. It is pure hilarity. This flyer was dropped off at all the houses in the neighborhood today. Apparently this guy has an affinity for song birds & a little too much time on his hands. Reading this thing 'effing killed me.

I'm pretty sure Zeb is going to commend this cat for all it's hard work, because he was pretty pissed Monday morning to be woken up at 5:00AM by the sound of those darn songbirds!

So what is your favorite part of this lovely public service announcement? I'll have to go with "I've tried scaring it off but it keeps coming back -- temptation for the taste of of wild prey is too great" WHAT?!?! It's a calico cat guy! Are! you! jo-king!?

Also, please note the caption on the picture, and the awesome photoshop skills.

Puppy Crisis

Long story short - Ollie started limping sporadically last week. Zeb and I freaked out. Ollie continued about his business and thought we were crazy for making such a big deal about it, but continued limping sporadically. I almost got an ulcer worrying about the guy, so we took him to the Vet. Apparently they think he has a subluxing knee cap. Yeah, I know. I would get a gimp dog with an orthopedic issue. Really!?
The Vet recommended Ollie go on a strict plan of rest, no running, no jumping. Which, I'll have you know are about the only things Ollie does on any consistent basis. It's been hell. The little guy is going crazy and so are we. So far the improvements have been...less than impressive. But we're not even halfway through the recommended period of rest (2 weeks!?) I realize that I am the worst patient/parent of a patient ever because all I want is an instant fix. I spend probably 70 hours a week convincing athletes that "there is no magic fix, it takes time and commitment to your treatment plan", but what do I want? Oh I want an instant fix. And I want it now.

Tuesday Rant

How about these widescreen clips from The Youtubes? Gosh that's annoying. It really doesn't fit into my blog layout. So I have a dillema, change the layout...avoid clips altogether? It's a no win situation.

Now on to make tacos for dinner & watch The American Idols.

I'm Not Even Mad

I can't even be mad at this, that's how impressive it is. Just some good effing baseball, stealing home and other shenanegans.

2 Great Things and an Observation

1. Madcon - Beggin' : Love the old school swaggar of this song. Saw it on some commercial a long time ago, but finally figured out what the song actually was. Gonna be rockin' this on the old Ipod this weekend in The Bay.
   
2. Twitter : Okay, so I know what you're thinking....oh she finally figured out what Twitter is and got on the band wagon. But that is false. I've known about it for a long time, but Damon recently got serious about it, and turns out he is a much better twitterist than a blogger. Also turns out that he's had a twitter account since 2007. I'm pretty sure that makes him the first twitter user ever. He also has had his blogger account since 2004. I asked him what the big thing is going to be in 2012, but he refuses to give up his secrets. Also, Greg, Nick Swisher is on Twitter...so.....

An Observation: Blazer fans are coming out of the wood works, walking around the neighborhood in their Brandon Roy jerseys, talking about "what time is tip off" non-stop. Get out of here. No one cares about NBA. Thanks.

Here's a Thought

First of all - who knew there were still real pirates out there? But this whole Somalian pirates fiasco has got me thinking. Why don't they just take all the time, money, energy & man hours spent trying to end music & dvd piracy and funnel all those resources over to eradicating real pirates around the world? Seems like it's a win-win-win situation for everyone. Lemme get that free Napster back.

Nick Swisher On His Pitching Debut

This is a ridiculous situation, but I like the guy because he's a team player and he's going to do what it takes to help the team and to keep the team "camaraderie" high.

We Like Sportz

First, on a completely unrelated topic, let me say: Screw you Josh Beckett, and your 10 strike-out getting ass.

Since Charles brought this up, it really wouldn't be fair to deprive the "Married To The Game" readership. Basically it started out as something that Damon and I thought was hilarious for no apparent reason. It reminds us of Zeb, especially the "when my team loses I'll be mean all night" line. And it makes us laugh hysterically.

Yesterday I was mean all night, by the way.

Some however (COUGH *charles* COUGH) don't find it to be funny at all. So solve this debate for us please, is this video funny or not?

Opening Day

This pretty much sums up my day.

By today I was JUICED for the Yankees opening day. I'd been watching plenty of baseball tonight, and I'd been buying into what the sports casters were saying about my boys. They said that they looked GOOOOOOOD. I'm talking filthy good.

This weekend we had our first real sun, which, as anyone who has ever lived in Oregon knows, means that 1) Everyone has been outside soaking up that 70 degree Sun from sunrise to sunset, 2) Everyone has a nasty sun burn from finally uncovering their neon white skin, 3) Everyone is in the best mood possible, because they're high off sunlight.

I wake up this AM, fresh off my weekend of sun intoxication, promptly dress for work in SHORTS, yeah, thats right. And roll off to work, barely able to stand myself and the anticipation of opening day, and my new ace, CC Sabathia pitching a gem.

Let me just cut to the chase. CC gave up 6 runs in 4.1 innings, his first start without a strike out since July 2005, oh yeah, and the first time EVER that a yankee starter gave up 5 walks with no strikeouts on an opening day. Awesome. I'm pissed. I kick over my co-worker's chair. Don't feel bad for him. He asked for it.

In other news I picked my fantasy baseball team name. HangOutW/YourWangOut, with a picture of Chien-Ming Wang on my profile. And don't worry my first post draft move was to pick up Chein-Ming Wang. Luckily enough, I also have C.C. "I only pitched 4.1 innings in my Yankee Debut" Sabathia on my fantasy team too.

Ken Griffey Jr. hit a homerun in his prodigal return with the Mariners today. I love it. I have a theory that "The Kid" is going to light it up all year long, knocking bombs like he's on roids, only hes NOT of course. It's going to be like magic, he's going to recapture the glory of his youth. And then when A-Rod and Randy Johnson see how well he's doing with their old team, they are going to demand a trade and go back to Seattle also to create a 1995 alumni team. And Edgar Martinez & Jay Buehner (can't spell that) are going to come out of retirement too. And it's going to be amazing.

I guess you can now understand how my over-active imagination led me to believe that the Yankees were going to be awesome this year.

Teru Teru Bozu

This little guys is a Teru Teru Bozu (sunny, sunny little guy.) According to my Japanese Athletic Training Student, Yuri, he will keep it from raining. So far he is batting .666 in keeping us from getting rained out of practice or games. It might not be a sure thing....but it keeps us from getting too bored I suppose.

In other news I need help picking my team name for Fantasy Baseball. Check out the poll, and post up any other clever ideas you may have. I'm looking for something that has to do with one of the yankees, preferably CC Sabathia or Mark Texiera

Stapler in Jello!! Get Serious.

HA! Happy Birthday Strick! Yes, blink again, pinch yourself...that is indeed a stapler in jello. Suck it. If you're wondering, it was as awesome as it looks in person, and even better.
The key is that you want to use the Jello Jigglers (uh...thats what she said?) recipe, not the regular jello one. This way it's going to be a little more thick and stable. A little thread or dental floss to keep the stapler hanging in the middle of the jello and you're good to go.
And for the record my co-worker was delighted to find this waiting for him on his desk on Monday morning. Well, until he realized that he would have to clean his stapler off.

This "The Office" prank was so good that now I want to try the one where Jim puts the change in Dwight's phone......hmmm.

Sugar

Yes, and Yes. Damon found this movie, and it is right up our alley.

Really?!? WBC Edition

One of my favorite recent SNL segments is "Really?!?" during the weekend update. If you're not familiar with it, check out this clip, one of my favorites of this gimmick.



So now that you get the reference, here's my version of REALLY?!?! World Baseball Classic Edition:

Alex Rodriguez, you're gonna pull up and decide you need surgery the week before WBC. Really!? You couldn't figure this one out, oh say ANYTIME earlier during the off season? Really!??! You're gonna decide that you need surgery a few weeks after you get busted for steroids, Really.

And team USA, you're gonna let Canada stay within 1 run all the way into the 9th inning? Really? Have you no national pride? You're playing in Toronto, and you're going to let the Canadian team think they even belong in the same ballpark as you. Really!? This isn't hockey you know. Really.

And really team USA, you have Ted Lily on your team? Really? Ted Lily hasn't even been an average baseball player since 1998, really. Maybe you could actually put away the Canadian team a little more authoritatively if you had more pitchers on the team that aren't Ted Lily. Really.

And The Netherlands (except I only like to pronounce it De NeDerlands) Really? Who knew they even play baseball there? Really. I have strong suspicion that most of these guys are actually cricket players that they recruited in order to field a team. Really.

And The Dominican Republic, really? You're gonna get beat by De NeDerlands? Do they even have 1 major league player on that team besides Sidney Ponson? Really!? And tell me, Mr. Alou, how are you going to manage a baseball team that is losing the elimination game to De NEDERLANDS and not keep David Ortiz in the lineup. REALLY. It's F'ing Big Papi, the clutchiest player in the MLB (second to Derek Jeter of course) Really?!? And you don't think that the guy who's made a career out of dropping bombs when a season is on the line might be able to to help your cause a little bit?!? Really. But you've got your son Moises Alou, who by the way hasn't taken an At Bat in a game in what, a year and a half, oh you've got him in the line-up. REALLY?!

Oh and Russell Martin, you're Candadian?! Really!??!

Strick's Mix

Toasted Corn
Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans
Wasabi Peas
Almonds
Peanuts
Yummy.

Leaving for Hawaii in a few hours. So tired can't type full sentences. Deal with it.

Coming Soon:

• New Theory on "The Bachelor"
• World Baseball Classic starts this weekend